I was leaving my local grocery store, when I saw the latest issue of the Epoch Times. I don’t usually pick it up, but this time I had to.
Axl Rose leads plot for global domination, screamed the headline. I thought it was a joke and brought it home to show the family. We thought it was most appropriate since Rose just released Chinese Democracy, or that it was a brilliant marketing scheme. It wasn’t. I had to check a couple of times to make sure the date wasn’t April 1. I’m reproducing the article below in full for you to judge for yourself.
Axl Rose leads plot for global domination
by Michael Mahonen
Special to the Epoch Times, p.1
Chinese state media today released information from unidentified sources who revealed a plot currently being undertaken to “grasp and control the world using democracy as a pawn.”
Communist Party newspaper, Global Times, also revealed that China was the main focus of the attack, as the agressor, “turns its spear point on China.”
The startling news also revealed the threat to be part of a larger plot by Western nations to “venomously attack China”. The main weapon identified in the international conspiracy is the new Guns ‘n’ Roses album.
The album, called “Chinese Democracy”, has raised questions about the meaning behind the title.
Guns n’ Roses bandleader, Axl Rose, is said to have been plotting his quest for global domination for the part 17 years. He ven spoke publicly of his plans for the “album” in 1994, prompting some to comment that it was a “plot cooked up in the open.”
We were unable to speak with Mr. Rose’s spokespeople, as we did not attempt to make contact.
The title of the article in the Communist paper, “American band releases album venomously attacking China”, seemed to hint at the identity of one of the Western nations thought to be involved in the global plot, but the article did not mention specifics.
It is believed that China’s Communist authorities will be looking closely into Mr. Rose’s past in an attempt to ascertain the identities of the Western nations being lead by Mr. Rose in this international conspiracy.
Some clues may include the fact that Mr. Rose sometimes wears a kilt on stage, which could implicate Scotland or Ireland.
Considering that the paper believes the conspirators intend to implement democracy as the sole global ideology, new meaning may be read into the fact that Mr. Rose has often been seen on stage vehemently gesticulating with a single finger in the air. Research may be conducted into the true meanings behind “flip” and “bird”.
However, long time Guns n’ Roses fans may simply see this as another paranoid example of “all Communist and no party”.
